Want to increase your self-confidence? Do it a pinprick of light at a time
Leverage your small successes to make a big difference
I often write about understanding your own cognitive bias to make better decisions. But the decision itself is just one piece of the overall decision-making process. In some cases, it might even be the easiest part. A decision can often bring you into unfamiliar territory, outside your comfort zone. You may feel nervous and unsure of the outcome. Following through on a decision takes confidence. It takes courage.
Although some people are born with it (must be nice), I like to imagine for the large majority, confidence comes from a cumulation of a lot of little successes. But the funny thing about small successes is they can easily pass you by without being noticed or acknowledged.
It's time to put the small victories to work for you. And to help, I would love to offer advice from my grandmother that has helped me immensely as I embark on new challenges, start new jobs or move to a new continent.
My Gram was very dear to me. She saw the good in everyone and focused on other’s needs before her own. When she looked at me, she really saw me. When I spoke (sometimes for hours), she would really listen. And even when I was very young, she would take me seriously. If I wanted to play waitress, she would buy official restaurant supplies and let me serve her real food. During craft projects, she would encourage me to see myself as an artist. When I was done, she would hold up my artwork and ask me to stand back and appreciate my masterpiece from a distance. She always encouraged me to admire my work.
And when I was nervous, she taught me this technique to aid in taking the first step outside my comfort zone.
When facing something outside of your comfort zone, imagine a dark, thick canvas hanging in front of you. Behind the canvas is a bright light waiting to shine through. Every time you do something that you are initially nervous about, imagine a small pin punching a tiny hole into the canvas. This small prick will let a little light pour through. As you do it more, the unnerving task will become easier and with every pinprick of light, more brightness will pour in.
Write down your pinprick-of-light moments and review them periodically. When you reflect on the pinpricks of light, you can be reminded of your progress. A terrifying step two years ago is a cakewalk today.
Confidence isn’t a lack of fear. Instead, it’s continuing on even when you are nervous because you believe in yourself. As you continue to acknowledge and appreciate your effort and achievements, your self-assurance will continue to grow.
So, stand back admire your work. Appreciate your effort and progress. Acknowledge little successes. Celebrate your courage. And with each brave step, always remember to give yourself a pinprick of light.
